A woman loves to boast that she found the man of her dreams. He is polite, kind, caring; he is an ideal husband and a great lover. Her friends and colleagues sigh enviously, watching the happiness of her friend, and note that she was very lucky with such a man. But after a year or two, the firstborn was born to the happy lady, and the former gleam in her eyes gradually fades away. And the point is not that the child takes a lot of energy, but that her husband is changing beyond recognition. From a loving and attentive spouse, he turns into a cold, irritated, "alien" man.
Psychologists advise not to rush to conclusions about the perfection of your partner. "Want to know the true "face" of a loved one and his feelings for you, wait for the birth of the child. And then draw some conclusions.". As practice shows, such advice from experienced" experts "of the human soul is very valuable in family life.
Everyone knows that the appearance of a child radically changes personal relationships. If before a man and a woman were given to each other, now a small man appears between them, demanding heightened attention, care and love. Time for proper rest and sex is significantly reduced. In addition, the firstborn selects part of the personal freedom of their parents. All this is accompanied by lack of sleep, stress and feelings.
And at this very moment the spouse begins to show his true "face." If, before the birth of a child, he could cook dinner for his wife, then after the appearance of the first child he did not want to do this. If earlier he claimed that he wanted to fully support his family, now he is reproaching his wife with a piece of bread. When the couple were alone, the husband could spend the whole night sitting by the bed of his beloved, not closing the eyes, because she had the usual flu, but he bothers to go to the infant’s bed at night. Why does this concern disappear after the birth of a child? Is the "postpartum" stress in a man so strong that his hands are down?
Psychologists respond negatively. Just now, the partner shows all aspects of his character: how selfish he is, self-loving and unsuitable for difficulties. Previously, he provided the attention and care of his beloved, because he knew that he would receive "rewarded" for it, for example, in the form of hot night sex. Now he realizes that this will not happen. "Gift", which will entertain his self-esteem, is not expected. And if a person does not want to help his partner "disinterestedly", then what kind of love can we talk about? Especially if he throws his wife at the first difficulties and runs into a quiet, cozy nest of a mistress.
There are situations when a woman herself provokes family scandals after the birth of a child. Some newly-made mothers give all their time, attention and love to their child. And the husband is being ousted to the third or fourth plan. In this situation, it is difficult for a man to maintain his former tenderness and love for his spouse. But more often the culprit of a family crisis is not the wife and child, but the selfishness of the man.
Therefore, you should not make hasty conclusions about the uniqueness and uniqueness of your spouse. Perhaps he is a typical representative of the proud men who want to extract only "benefit" from personal relationships. Otherwise, he really deserves the title of "real man", who sincerely loves his wife. All negative and positive qualities of the spouse are fully manifested after the birth of the first child.
When a man promises that with him the life of a lady will resemble a fairy tale, you should not delude yourself to these words. Family relationships will really be wonderful and comfortable if the partner confirms that he will be with his wife under any circumstances: when he can share with the second half not only moments of happiness, but also give his firm shoulder in difficult moments of life.
Text: Svetlana Ahi
