You trusted him. You believed him. He is charming, loyal and honest. That is, you thought so. In fact, you were nothing more than a pawn on a chessboard. You have become an obedient instrument of well-calculated manipulation. He used you and did it expertly.
When you work for a narcissistic boss, stress surges and anxiety suppresses.
Your results are impressive, customers value you, but how much are you willing to tolerate tension and ambiguity? Is it time for you to move on, and not wait for the narcissistic boss to ruin your career?
"My boss seemed so sincere. I believed her words and supported her in everything. Until one day she called me up, offering to leave the company. For many months I tried to realize my failure and figure out what went wrong. I was a puppet in her arms. She used me. How could I be so naive? "
Sounds familiar? Then it's time to act.
What rules should you follow if you work for a narcissistic boss?
1. Accept the truth.
You are not able to change this person. The truth is that the daffodil needs admiration and completely does not respect the feelings of other people.
Narcissistic behavior manifests itself in sinister, well-thought-out actions with a single purpose: to profit at the expense of others.
Inside these people is a huge hole. It is so great that no amount of pain and suffering that they bring to others will not fill it. Understand this to protect yourself.
2. Set the boundaries.
When communicating with the daffodil, clearly set the boundaries. Do not allow yourself to be pulled into a dramatic showdown. Do not let them charm you with their charm. When you set limits, it gives you free will. Do not corner yourself.
Here are a few phrases to draw clear boundaries:
- "I am sure that you will make the right decision ...";
- "I know that you will successfully cope with this situation ...";
- "I do not like this topic, maybe we should talk about ...";
- "I think that this topic should be brought up for discussion by the whole team."
When it comes to setting limits, stay within your borders, don't step over others, and you will be safe. If you go beyond them, you may suffer.
3. Do not engage in battle.
Put aside long, stinging letters with a list of complaints against you. Do not rush to answer them immediately. If you are being attacked, take a break and react carefully. Minimize one-on-one conversations that often end in personal showdowns.
Tell the boss that you value his time, and one hour twice a month is enough to discuss your work. Schedule other meetings or events so that they immediately follow the conversation with the boss. An appointment where your presence is a must is an excellent reason to escape.
Do not communicate with the boss on social networks. When your personal life is flaunted on Facebook, you give the daffodil a great opportunity to use this information to your advantage. If the boss is already on your friends list, take a deep breath and “freeze” him.
What to answer if he asks you why you did it? Smile and say: "I'm going to take a break from social networks. I feel better when my business and personal life are separated." Smile again and leave.
Hidden daffodils are rarely sociable and vibrant extroverts. Their best cover is silence and silence. They may even seem shy and shy. This allows them to play the role of the victim.
If you act bravely, it will surprise them. They are smart and will certainly feel a change in the balance of power. This will force them to take a step back and reflect on a new strategy. You must counteract them with your strategic plan.
4. Accept responsibility.
You are not a pawn in someone else's game or a victim. You are a person, and make your own choices. With the choice comes responsibility for decisions made and willingness to control your reactions and actions. Having made a bad choice, do not shift the blame on others, but take full responsibility.
5. Act now.
When someone shouts: “Fire!”, Everyone rushes to the exit. This is instinct. Behave in dealing with the narcissistic boss. You need to act, and not ponder how to react to his actions. Procrastination strengthens the position of the daffodil, allowing him to continue to manipulate you. And moving on to action, you control the situation.
If you work in a toxic environment, it's time to think about a strategy. As organizations pre-develop a plan of action in the event of a fire or other urgent situation, you need to consider the steps in case of an emergency in your life. You might consider moving to another department or firing. If this means temporarily working in two jobs to support his family, then so be it.
Getting rid of a toxic, stressful environment at work motivates and invigorates.
Hidden daffodils are smart, dangerous and insidious. They think only of themselves. Their life is a series of ups and downs: you will fall to the ground with them, but you will not have to share their success.
Choose an independent role. Do not think that if you leave, they will win. Like a leopard, a daffodil will never get rid of its spots.
Hidden Daffodil is a dangerous strategist. Do not be a pawn in his game, become an exception to the rule!
